Part 2: “It’s Okay” but Is It Really?

Thursday , 21, February 2013 1 Comment

A little over a month ago I posted “It’s Okay” but is it really? I encourage you to take a moment and read it if you haven’t already done so.  I want to talk today about the discussions and thoughts I have had since that original post.

My initial conversations about the topic came the same day I posted at a regular play-date wild child and I attend.  Every time someone said it we all laughed.  “It’s Okay” was uttered at least 10 times.  Some caught it before they said it and others caught on after saying it.  It was a fun topic of conversation and I enjoyed getting opinions from all the moms in attendance.

We also discussed several of the comments left on the blog post itself.  There has been a lot of great interaction and I am loving the feedback!  There have been many helpful ones, and a few opposing viewpoints as well.  I love that there have been so many readers willing to share their views.  The general consensus seems to be that we are trying to let the other mom know that we empathize with them.  We know what they are going through and we understand.

One discussion that stood out was the one I had with my mother.  She admitted that she does the same thing to me and how it was probably not helping.  I reminded her that I do it too, and none of us are doing it to intentionally undermine the parent.  That got me thinking, how do you deal with it when it is a family member?

Has anyone ever experienced this with their spouse?  What about their mother-in-law?  Or what about your parents?  How do you put it tactfully that you would appreciate it if they did not undermine your authority?  Fortunately I havn’t had to tackle either one of these in any major way.  I do not have in-laws, and my husband is probably stronger when it comes to discipline than I am.  In fact, I think I may have done this to him a few times now that I think about it.

The one example with my mother that sticks out in my mind was a few years ago when wild child was going through the terrible twos.  Probably coinciding with the time she figured out others thought her behavior was okay even if her momma said otherwise.  I cannot remember what wild child did or what my mother said specifically but I do remember how my baby sister reacted.  She called my mom out and said “don’t undermine her authority mom.”  I was caught off guard completely by this and thanked my sister for saying something.

I was so wrapped up in dealing with the behavior that I wasn’t focusing on what was going on around me that might have been influencing it.  This may come as a surprise to those of you who know me personally, but I would not have been able to step up and say “hey, that’s not helping” when it came to parenting initially.  I can now that she is older, but in the first few years I wouldn’t have said anything.

I think the change came when we moved 7 minutes away from my mom and dad.  My mom has always said that she doesn’t like to discipline Riley.  She doesn’t view it as her role as a grandmother.  I understand that.  To an extent.  I think that she has come around to my way of thinking now that we live close enough to see them on a regular basis.  She’s made great steps to support me in my parenting endeavors of my precious strong willed child and I am so thankful for her support!

Has this series on “It’s Okay” but Is It Really, changed how you interact with other moms?  Have you changed the way you handle this situation?  Have you found yourself in this situation with a relative or your spouse?  I would love to hear from you!  Keep the awesome feedback coming! 

Have a great day,

Liz

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One Comment
  • Jamie Wyatt says:

    More good points, Elizabeth! Feedback from family and friends can ensure that we keep our perspective on what REALLY is, and is NOT, ok!

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