So after about 2 days in the Labor and Delivery Unit of the hospital, I was relocated to the Postpartum Unit. It was a difficult place to be as this was the department that all of the new moms were housed along with their “healthy” and “term” babies. Was I being selfish to be jealous that they were able to have full pregnancies and that I would be cheated out of 6 weeks or more? Or should I have been happy that for now labor was not imminent even though he was down to almost no amniotic fluid. As I waited on bed rest for him to come or 34 weeks gestation, whichever came first, I was in a state of “loosing it”. I was given permission only to get out of bed to take a shower or go to the restroom. I contemplated how the next 2 plus months in the hospital would be. I had already spent Thanksgiving there and depression really set it when one of my besties and her son came in and decorated my room for Christmas. I knew that they had the best of intentions but oh my! I would actually be here for Christmas and for New Year’s and maybe even Valentines Day.
After about a week in the hospital, I came to the realization that I would be alone for awhile. My husband had to go back to Atlanta for work and I had no family in the immediate area. My coworkers and good friends did drop by every once in a while and I had an occasional conversation with anyone that wanted to talk. It just seemed that the days were 48 hours long instead of 24. The nights seemed even longer and I rarely slept more than 4 hours a night.
On or about 8th day in the hospital, he seemed to really be active. I could feel every move and every kick and he seemed to be kicking very hard. However, by that evening he was not kicking at all. I remember calling the resident and asking if this was normal. At this time, she opted to do an ultrasound and after much searching found some movement but decided to move me back to Labor and Delivery. The plan was that they would only monitor me for the night and the next morning, if no change I would be sent back up to my “vacation home”. That night, I remember them coming in 3 times to do ultrasounds with the same results. Only a bit of movement but just enough to keep him in utero. By the next morning, I was preparing myself to go back up to my room but with my temperature rising steadily they opted to keep me for one more night as they feared that I was developing an infection.
That afternoon, I became really restless. My naps were uncomfortable, I did’t eat much and I was not myself. I remember wanting a hamburger and my good friend bringing it over to me. I remember reading my Bible, saying a prayer and falling asleep.When I woke up at about 10pm I felt pains, slight cramps but nothing too serious. The monitors did not indicate contractions but I just felt out of sorts. When my nurse came in (thank God for seasoned nurses), I remember her saying that she just felt like I need my IV back in. She tried for about 40 minutes and actually had to have assistance to get it in but she was determined. At about 11pm the nurse that actually admitted me was on and when she came in, I immediately asked her if I could have a shower and use the restroom as I had gone all day without a shower. She obliged and stated that she would be changing my linens while I did so. I took my time in the shower and as I dried myself off I felt something on the inside of my thigh as I looked down all I could feel was horror, I swung open the restroom door, screamed my nurses name and said six words that I never would have imagined saying, “I THINK HIS CORD IS OUT”. She looked at me and her face told me that what I already knew was a reality.
All I remember was asking her if my baby was dead? Her response, “I don’t know”. I remember the resident, anesthesia, the doctor, another nurse and a blur of other people running full speed into my room. I remember being told to get on my bed and on my hands and knees. I remember the resident telling me that she felt him moving and he was trying to come out. I was relieved! I remember her saying that she would be riding on my back all the way to surgery in order to keep him in because if he came out at this point vaginally, he would not make it. They threw a sheet over both of us and I was in and out. The gurney, anesthesia, a cold operating room, the doctor talking and me thinking about what I would find when I woke up………