I thought I would start birth stories week with a pre-birth story that reminds me of what it truly means to have ‘faith like a child’.
Before I was pregnant with Eli, I had a miscarriage (something I don’t think I have ever written about on the blog before). Needless to say, it was a tough experience. I felt like my life was headed in one direction, only to be derailed and my chance at becoming a mother was put on hold. While it was very easy to get pregnant, I was so afraid that it would be difficult to stay pregnant.
I became pregnant again only 4 months after my miscarriage and was cautiously happy about the situation. I cried when I told one of my good friends that I was pregnant because of how scared I was that it would end the same way as the first. The first pregnancy, my husband and I decided to wait a while before telling most folks. In fact, I had just told my parents that I was pregnant two days before having my miscarriage. For my second pregnancy, we decided to tell people early. We figured that if I did have another miscarriage, we would tell people anyway, so why not tell them about the pregnancy right away. The more positive thoughts and prayers, the better, right?
At the time , I was working at a local cycling shop. I was close with my boss and his family and often watched his kindergarten aged daughter at the shop. I ADORE that little girl. She is super smart and sassy. We had a great time coloring, making houses out of cardboard boxes and making paper dolls (all while fulfilling my duties as manager, of course!) Anyway, this little girl knew that I had been pregnant once before and that it didn’t work out. We even had a conversation (that she brought up) about how I once had a baby in my tummy, but it came out before it was ready. She told me that I should try to have another baby, because “it is good to have a baby to bring to work with you sometimes.”
So, when I became pregnant the second time, I told my boss who told his wife and daughter. A few days after my announcement, my boss’s wife came into the shop and told me that her daughter said the cutest thing when she told her I was pregnant. My boss’s wife told me that when she told her little girl I was pregnant again…her little girl said, very matter-of-factly “I knew that was going to happen, Mommy. I put Miss Rachel on the prayer list at school.” Oh.My.Goodness. At that moment, I felt equally excited that my little buddy was so confident that things were going to be fine, and ashamed that I hadn’t had the same amount of faith. I wish I could say that her faith made me not worry about the pregnancy after that. I worried. A lot. (And still do.) Her words did stick with me though. I remembered them from time to time, and had to remind myself that everything was going to be fine because my little cycling shop buddy put me on the prayer list at school.